NO RECOVERY

News Flash!

Robert Scott, 49 - 
New Jersey court worker found dead of carbon monoxide poisoning. An apparent suicide, the deceased had consumed a large volume of alcohol prior to closing the garage door, connecting a hose to the exhaust pipe and sealing the windows with plastic wrap. A neighbor heard the vehicle’s engine running for an undetermined period of time before calling the police.

Predeceased by both parents, Mr. Scott lived alone and has no immediate family. Funeral arrangements include no viewing; the body will be cremated and the ashes scattered to the four winds at Point Pleasant, NJ.

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   I didn’t want to leave Earth before writing the following story. The above obituary is correct, for the most part, but doesn’t talk about the deep regret I had prior to implementing my exit strategy. As in many other facets of my life, alcohol made it easier to overcome emotion and kill myself before this regret grew to the point of making it impossible to commit the inevitable, final act.

   As Monsieur L’Oiseau would say, “Faite Accompli, le beau geste!” My old and best friend said many marvelous things during our time together. But, as he gained in popularity and success, I descended into a destructive romance with the bottle. While he traveled the world to enrich himself, I stayed at home and enjoyed the magic of Bombay . . . gin.

  I died expecting the fires of Hell to engulf my soul as the fires of the crematorium had consumed my flesh. Instead, my figurative eyes have been opened to the expanse of time and space only revealed to those who have passed beyond the pale of earthly life. As I seek to review my life through the prism of a newly bestowed spiritual perception, I must also try to reconcile my feelings for Monsieur L’Oiseau and the intense bittersweet friendship we shared.

   In order to do this, I must chronicle the events and recount a few stories that occurred before our first meeting until the point when the embers died. This I must do to help myself and possibly assist you, dear reader, to gain insight and metaphorically solve the riddle of the Sphinx, so to speak. To paraphrase the Bible: For once I saw through a glass, darkly; but now I am face to face with the truth. To put it another way: The curtain is pulled back and has revealed Oz to be a fraud!

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THE OISEAU EMERGES

   My friend Jean Vauteau has had many incarnations, In this life and in previous lives during diverse historical periods. The Vauteau name is significant because it bridges many centuries of Norman conquest, including the Kingdom of the Two Sicilies - most significantly Naples and the territory surrounding Salerno, Italy. Monsieur L’Oiseau is not his real name, nor is it to be found in any official record on this planet. But, it came to become a sort of spiritual appellation acquired during my friend’s formative years. I met Jean in Madame Granat’s fifth period French class at Fairmount Junior High School

   To understand this phenomenon we must return to the year 1950 and the birth of my dear friend Jean Vauteau. To comprehend the underlying reason why he acquired the name Monsieur L’Oiseau is to go back to the first moments of Jean’s life. Back to a very turbulent time, indeed.

Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:

The Soul that rises with us, our life's Star,

Hath had elsewhere its setting.

—William Wordsworth

   There was a distant rumble of thunder when Jean’s mother and father left the house that August night. Jean was left alone in bed, only his teddy bear to keep him company. Jean was often left alone, even though he was an infant. Teddy had already queued Jean into the fact that life was not eternal, that, in fact, life would eventually come to an end. Jean was able to reach back to his prior life and indeed understand this concept.

The bardo state is that period which exists immediately after death—until the soul decides to pass along into another existence. This is a time when the soul reflects on its past life, evaluates what it needs to spiritually progress, and chooses whether to stay disembodied or to reincarnate. The conditions of such a return to the physical plane are laid out before the return, based on a plan that would benefit the soul’s eventual enlightenment—which ultimately leads to Nirvana: the final goal—and a life of eternal bliss.

   “You’re really screwed, aren’t you?” Teddy spoke telepathically, inside Jean’s head. Without knowing words or meanings, Jean received visions of his past life—the one he had just discarded. Teddy was able to look inside Jean’s soul, to a place that was filled with darkness and regret. Jean had chosen to leave his past life and move on to a new one. The end was abrupt, with the stroke of a knife. In fact, Teddy and Jean cried a lot, due to this complex understanding.

   Was Teddy real, or merely the twisted thoughts inside Jean’s head? Traumatized by the final hour of his previous life, Jean was unable to still the voices emanating from this obvious “gremlin” that was masquerading as a toy. The darkness of Jean’s soul would ultimately be cleansed, but he must first pass through troubled waters on his current life’s voyage. The noise inside his head was deafening, as Jean faded deeper and deeper into despair. He found himself sandwiched between two worlds—the one ahead looking darker than the one he just left.

   The storm came closer, as the air in Jean’s bedroom grew heavy. The sun was setting, and the shadows of the night enveloped the room with a copper haze. Thunder increased, as the spiritual realm descended. This is when the curtain between the natural and spiritual world was parted, letting in a creature that seemed to resemble a dove. Shortly, though, the bird’s appearance cast a dark shadow over both Jean and Teddy.

    Jean’s thoughts swirled out of control, creating a vortex of evil around the bed. Jean swooned, as the great bird grew to gargantuan size. Overwhelmed, Jean almost passed out from the vision. The dove of peace—or so Jean thought—glided down and, gnawing on Teddy’s head, plucked out the right eye from the ragged toy. Blinded, Teddy rolled off the bed and vanished from sight. The winged creature now morphed into the true symbol of the Vauteau family—the vulture. “I guess we’re both screwed now,” Jean thought, as he gazed on the limp body of Teddy that laid lifeless on the floor beside the bed.

   Perched on the headboard, the vulture stood guard above the young boy. An electric-blue thought entered into Jean’s psyche. The choice to morph into either a dove or a vulture would be the gift given Jean by the spiritual realm—this was the message transmitted from the great bird. Armed with this ability, the choice to either love or hate would trigger the events of his life. Like any spiritual gift, it was up to Jean to choose wisely—the pathway would twist and turn according to his choices.

   Jean chuckled to himself as his troubled mind was stilled with the knowledge that, for good or evil, he held control over his destiny. At that very moment, the door to his previous life slammed shut—the memories of the past were sealed forever. The only time that existing was the present, and that time was eternally—Now!

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